I will straight up murder you! You will be a dead man! I will put off your head, shove it on the end of my M202 machine gun, and launch it into the sky! You will be an ex-person. There is no way that rocky road is better than cookies and cream! It’s just the best iced cream there is! Take it back!

Decide upon a course of action with reason; Wait when to wait is right; Strike when to strike is right.

It’s all energy, in the end. People consume and create energy…Create good, you’re a ‘good’ person. Consume ‘bad’, and you’re a bad guy. Magic is energy, too. Me?  Well… I’m just a nasty piece of work. Ask anybody.

Some call me crazy for running into a gun fight with an axe. That doesn’t make me crazy. I enjoy it, and that makes me dangerous!

Look, I’m obviously not the gal you want bargaining for your payment, I ain’t shit when it comes to computers, and I ain’t no spellslinger. You want someone taken down? Point me at ‘em. You want someone protected? Put ‘em behind me.

Cowboys were gentlemen who treat women with respect and work hard. They used their manners more than any other man would and ride like there’s no tomorrow. Who wouldn’t aspire to that?

Meditation helps you stay in a calm, clear-headed state so that when challenges come at you, you can deal with shit like a ninja. Don’t tell my sensei, but I’ve found whiskey helps for the problems meditation can’t touch.

It often seems to me that’s all detective work is, wiping out your false starts and beginning again. And that’s exactly what some people will not do. They come up with a certain theory, and if one little fact won’t fit, they throw it aside. But it is always the facts that don’t fit in that are significant.

It’s said that the shuffling of the cards is the earth, and the pattering of the cards is the rain, and the beating of the cards is the wind, and the pointing of the cards is the fire. The cards give you images and symbols to focus your vague intentions and transform them into action. Your will is the magic. Very simple, very straightforward.

Don’t worry how, I’ll just get it done. I have a lot of tricks up my sleeve that your average corp spider’s never seen. We just need to agree… no collateral damage or I’m out.

Look. we all know that you’ve got a budget for this job, and it’s higher than what you’re quotin’ me. You start low, I start high, we go back and forth and eventually settle on a number in the middle. Why don’t you and I save some time and settle on an additional 2K a head, no more negotiations. It’s fair, and you can tell your folks that you really raked us over the coals, ‘kay?

Where’s my mommy? I dunno, where’s yours fuckhead. I haven’t seen her since I kicked her out last night… Now get me a fraggin drink. I’m carrying some major muscle mods, I’m about fist height with your crotch, and I’m getting impatient.

Cool … Yeah, I can do that … 

‘Not within acceptable parameters’? Here’s some acceptable parameters… fuck you, fuck your two chromed up bodyguards, fuck your corp bullshit, fuck your job, and fucking pay me.

Yes, I understand the parameters, and no it won’t be a problem. While you may find my… differences… distracting, they are easy to hide. In fact, I find it very easy to remain unseen when I wish it.

Mr. J, babe. Can we talk for a minute in private? Look, I know that the rest of my team may be a little rough around the edges, but I assure you we are nothing but professionals when it comes to what we do. What? You look a little startled. OH! Hah, you expected something like ‘Me big troll, pay me good’, Hah… no, that’s a nasty stereotype. 

Nah. Don’t do magic. Don’t do ware, either. Pure, 100% dwarf. Sure, I gotta bust my ass a little more, but I ain’t going to find myself dead in a ditch because of a shitty firmware update… And I don’t gotta ask permission from ‘the big raven spirit’ to geek a fucker.

Um, Fuck yeah I can handle it, asswipe. Just because I didn’t go to MIT&M doesn’t mean I don’t know my shit. Just ’cause I’m from the streets you gonna question me? Don’t see you standing up and volunteering.

It’s just too fuckin’ clean in here, that’s why! No fucking zen… Peace comes from within, and my peace ain’t in here! If you need me, I’ll be sleeping in my car!

I can run about 10 simultaneous processes from here, including camera overwatch, matrix defense, and drone infiltration. Why would you think I would need to be ‘physically on site’ at all? I can do more remote than most hackers can on their best day in person.

Okay, game plan. You two cover point A. I’ll cover points B and C. Me and the two of you will infiltrate here, while I provide cover here and here. Then, I’ll tie it all together with recon of the whole compound. Sound right?

Easy peasy! All you need to do is reroute this junction here, then cut that wire there, then re?solder this board here to junction B… crack the case, move the mercury switch over… umm… tell you what, move over… I’ll just do it.

This is all well and good, but sometimes you need to take things on faith. I’m as scientific as the next person, and there’s plenty of benefit looking at things from an analytical perspective, but at the end of the day if the spirits will it, it will be so.

Why did I climb it? Because it was there… and the view was good. It was quiet up there, too, until the cops showed up.