26 July 2074, Florence, The Italian Confederacy – Disaster struck one of the world’s leading museums today as a suicide bomber detonated her vest, killing herself and a young American woman the third floor of the Uffizi. The explosion, which occurred in the Hermaphrodite gallery of the museum during a black tie fund raising event, also destroyed priceless art work in the Botticelli, and Tribune galleries. “Fortunately,” most people had fled the building when chemical sensors detected the bomb, “said Alfonso Verducci, the Florence Chief of Police. “As such, only the poor American girl was killed. Video from the event shows the woman, thought to be Fatimah bint Tariq bin Khalid Al-Fulan, a known terrorist who travelled under the alias “Leyla,” emerging from the woman’s bathroom on the third floor with a full suicide vest, complete with a dead-man’s trigger. Donors at the event fled immediately, though the American girl that was killed is seen inexplicitly running toward the terrorist who detonated the vest thirty seconds later.

Dozens were wounded, though none seriously. “The walls of the small room provided protection for most, though they seemed to amplify the explosion within the tiny room,” said Verducci. “There is nothing left of the terrorist but some chunky salsa.” Museum officials were relieved to know that the same effect, combined with magical barriers, seems to have saved some of the artwork in adjacent rooms from sustaining too much damage. “The museum lost some great artwork today, but thankfully most of Botticelli’s work, including the Birth of Venus, escaped unscathed.”

reporting provided by Philippe le Brun of the European Daily Chronicle